Where to begin... For the quick gist; we met our new daughter last weekend and saw her a second time this past week as well. We spent approximately six hours with her the first visit and about three hours at the next visit. It has been very emotional, happy, sad, exciting, and unlike anything we have ever experienced before. We are technically still a family of five, but are incomplete without our sixth member. It will likely be a number of weeks before she will move in with us and six to seven months before we can legally adopt her.
We found out on a Tuesday that we were selected for our daughter. I soon suffered from Unmet Expectation Syndrome that kicked in within three days after getting the news we were to be her adoptive family. I had high hopes that she would find out within a day or two that a family had been selected. Communication was lacking for a few days, and in the mean time of course my mind tempted to run wild. So many things can happen to disrupt an adoption, so because I was unable to get a hold of the case worker for a number of days and had not heard anything, I started to wonder if something was wrong. Ie: did her foster mom or a previous couple in her life decide to keep her, did they decide on a different family? Did her biologically family come back? I spent nearly a full day down in the dumps wondering if these things were true. It was a really sad day. I got some good truth from a close friend that blatantly said, "how silly of you to think this last stretch of this whole thing would happen quickly. You were selected." <Aka... quit freaking out Meg!> Thanks blunt friend, what would I do without you? You know who you are! :) Okay, so I decided not to near drown in my sorrows for any more than twelve hours and trust the the One that has given her to us is the One that knows what's up. And honestly, worse case scenario, if something does happen and she does not become ours... will I still choose to love and serve God? Will I still pursue the life God intends for me even if one of my biggest dream is shattered and this child I have grown to love is not for me? God was calling me to give her over to him. Before I even had her or had met her, He was asking if I was willing to give her up. Duh! I have had to do this multiple times in my life before; with Ryan, and my three bio kids. Why wouldn't I think I would have to go through with my newest kiddo? Mind you, this was a me thing and not so much a Ryan thing. Our dangerous minds and what they can do to us!
After I decided to trust the Lord with this child, I was immediately encouraged in several different ways. I asked a friend who has adopted and has transitioned a child to an adoptive family more details about what is "typical" in these situations. She told me it is often a couple weeks before the first initial visit. Well okay me, this isn't too bad. It's only been four days. I can hang in there longer! I do wish I would have been told my the case worker that it was maybe going to take a little longer, that could have prevented some worry, however, it had it's purpose and I am grateful for it. When I did find out a week and a half later that she was finally going to find out about us, it made it even sweeter. I requested for the worker to call me after the meeting with her to let us know how it went. I was giddy when my phone rang. The worker told me that she knew. She was shown our life book as well as a YouTube video that Kennedy created (a tour of our house). She giggled at parts of the video where Farrell was acting like a complete goon, and she most enjoyed seeing video and pictures of the dogs. She was told we are the family that is going to adopt her. She was excited and nervous. The worker asked if she would like to call us or take a video for us to see. She was not ready for that though, and declined.
The following morning we were given the email address of her foster mom and told we could arrange a first visit and communicate directly with her. Of course I emailed immediately and fortunately we were able to schedule something for the following Saturday, a week and a half after the staffing.
We met at a location about twenty minutes away from our house, at a beauty salon. Just Ryan and I went to get her. The foster mom was meeting a previous foster kiddo their to pay for her to get her hair done. This foster mom, that currently has our daughter is a unique gift to this world. She has fostered over 100 kids in the past twenty years. She is kind, patient and has her career level foster certification meaning she can foster kids with high special needs. She is full of wisdom and I enjoy talking with her daily now. I take her sound advice very seriously and anticipated continuing a relationship with her even after we bring our daughter to our house. She is a gem and we will be forever grateful that she has given our daughter such a stable environment in which she has begun healing. Back to the beauty salon... we walked in and saw who we believed was the foster mom and standing next to her, this adorable, petite girl with a blank stare on her face was eyeing us. She has long, border-line brown/dirty blonde colored, straight hair, nearly down to her bottom. She is white for those of you wondering what her race is. And she has freckles and sky blue eyes. We did inquire about kids of multiple races, but God had her for us. For those that have seen pictures of her, we have heard she looks like she fits right in to our family. I agree. She was dressed in dark blue skinny jeans, with black cowboy boots and a leopard print top and a white sweater. Her coat was in hand, as she dislikes wearing one. She also had a leopard purse dangling around her shoulder. She has wicked-long, thick nails with deep nail beds. I know, because I got to paint her nails that afternoon. She seems to be a girly girl. I did her hair as well.
We talked for about two minutes and then we left with her. This child sitting in the seat behind me would soon be ours, and I didn't even know her. I kept the conversation going and tried to keep it light, asking about school, extra-curriculars, favorite foods, etc. She answered most of my questions with brief answers, and said "I don't know" to a few questions. I also told her how we first saw her picture and profile in November and the details from our side. We were going to take her out for ice cream, but she had just eaten lunch and was not hungry. So we decided to take her back to our house and meet the kids. (FYI, we had discussed this prior with her foster mom who thought this would be completely appropriate). When we got back to our house, we were greeting by Kennedy who was peering through the screen door into the garage as we drove in. (She had only been waiting for over a year and a half to meet her new sister, so we couldn't arrive soon enough!) We walked in, made introductions and took her on a tour. We stayed at our house for about two hours. The kids played and had a great time together. I intermittently asked her "get to know you" questions while she played with the kids. We shared the journals we got for her. We made entries in one journal, asking a number of questions, and the kids made some drawings. Farrell even wrote "Farrell + ***** = BFF," encircled in a heart. I melted when I read that. I told her to write in it as much as she wants, to ask us questions or just draw and then we would be doing the same in the other journal and exchange it with her at our next visit. What I've read is to refrain from giving gifts at the beginning of this kind of relationship unless they focus on the relationship. So although I really want to get her so many things and spoil her rotten, I am holding back so as not to start the relationship on a materialistic foot. It's gone well so far. (She was asking for the other journal right away when we saw her at the second visit)!
After we left our house, we went to Bass Pro and wandered around for a bit, ate at the restaurant there, let the kids play on the model boats and then we headed back to drop her off with her foster mom, whom she does not call mom by the way. I very much want to share more details about our visit, but this has all struck me that now these are her memories too, not just mine. And while I could still protect her by sharing my perspective, I figure I will hold off of a lot of that so that she can share this all from her point of view if and when she is ready. I don't want to infringe or embarrass her later down the road if she were to read this. During our visit this first day, I did ask her if it was alright to take some family pictures and if I could give her a hug at the end of the night. She said yes to both. We told her to call us Mom Megan and Dad Ryan, and then when she is ready to drop our first names off and just call us Mom and Dad. I would expect it will take a while before she calls us Mom and Dad, but you better believe I will never forget that first time when she does!
The following day, she was talking with her foster mom and said, "maybe that family could adopt me?" Her foster mom replied, "yes, they are going to. That's what this is all about. They are going to be your forever family." She replied, "okay, that's good." Score! I think she likes us!! Her foster mom said she took the time to explain this in more detail with her since she could tell she didn't get it. While she had heard this already, and had been prepared by her case worker for months that she would be adopted, it hadn't sunk in. I don't believe it will likely sink in until she has been with us for many months if not a year or more. I pray she will feel this security as soon as possible.
We picked her up with Kennedy with us this past Thursday evening. We took her out to dinner and for ice cream. This visit seemed more comfortable for everyone. We spent time with her foster mom at her home when we dropped her off to get more information on her background.
I have been calling her nightly now, My heart hurts and my eyes well with tears when I get off the phone with her each day. Our relationship is only eight days old, but our home feels so incomplete without her. We plan to have some overnights with her in the near future that will progress into her moving in *hopefully late March. If she feels up to it, we will plan to take her to church with us, although we will be sensitive if she is not ready for that. The ball for public appearances and meeting friends and extended family will be in her court at the beginning. So you all might see us together as a family in the near future. Please respect her space and refrain from asking a million questions! But do love her. I want her to feel all the love of those that have been praying for her and asking about her. I have told her about all the people in our lives that are so exited to meet her. I don't know that she comprehends this now, but hopefully she will later. She has a village that is ready for her.
We have a great attorney, and have acquired many human resources that have given us wisdom, encouragement and advice on this foster/adopt world. For that we are incredibly grateful. This is a challenging process and it is essential to have good professionals on your side!
So this is it! We have met her and while we wish she was here at our house tonight, we are living in the moment and appreciating the slow transition. Before long she will be here and my dream of two girls and two boys will come true.
We found out on a Tuesday that we were selected for our daughter. I soon suffered from Unmet Expectation Syndrome that kicked in within three days after getting the news we were to be her adoptive family. I had high hopes that she would find out within a day or two that a family had been selected. Communication was lacking for a few days, and in the mean time of course my mind tempted to run wild. So many things can happen to disrupt an adoption, so because I was unable to get a hold of the case worker for a number of days and had not heard anything, I started to wonder if something was wrong. Ie: did her foster mom or a previous couple in her life decide to keep her, did they decide on a different family? Did her biologically family come back? I spent nearly a full day down in the dumps wondering if these things were true. It was a really sad day. I got some good truth from a close friend that blatantly said, "how silly of you to think this last stretch of this whole thing would happen quickly. You were selected." <Aka... quit freaking out Meg!> Thanks blunt friend, what would I do without you? You know who you are! :) Okay, so I decided not to near drown in my sorrows for any more than twelve hours and trust the the One that has given her to us is the One that knows what's up. And honestly, worse case scenario, if something does happen and she does not become ours... will I still choose to love and serve God? Will I still pursue the life God intends for me even if one of my biggest dream is shattered and this child I have grown to love is not for me? God was calling me to give her over to him. Before I even had her or had met her, He was asking if I was willing to give her up. Duh! I have had to do this multiple times in my life before; with Ryan, and my three bio kids. Why wouldn't I think I would have to go through with my newest kiddo? Mind you, this was a me thing and not so much a Ryan thing. Our dangerous minds and what they can do to us!
After I decided to trust the Lord with this child, I was immediately encouraged in several different ways. I asked a friend who has adopted and has transitioned a child to an adoptive family more details about what is "typical" in these situations. She told me it is often a couple weeks before the first initial visit. Well okay me, this isn't too bad. It's only been four days. I can hang in there longer! I do wish I would have been told my the case worker that it was maybe going to take a little longer, that could have prevented some worry, however, it had it's purpose and I am grateful for it. When I did find out a week and a half later that she was finally going to find out about us, it made it even sweeter. I requested for the worker to call me after the meeting with her to let us know how it went. I was giddy when my phone rang. The worker told me that she knew. She was shown our life book as well as a YouTube video that Kennedy created (a tour of our house). She giggled at parts of the video where Farrell was acting like a complete goon, and she most enjoyed seeing video and pictures of the dogs. She was told we are the family that is going to adopt her. She was excited and nervous. The worker asked if she would like to call us or take a video for us to see. She was not ready for that though, and declined.
The following morning we were given the email address of her foster mom and told we could arrange a first visit and communicate directly with her. Of course I emailed immediately and fortunately we were able to schedule something for the following Saturday, a week and a half after the staffing.
We met at a location about twenty minutes away from our house, at a beauty salon. Just Ryan and I went to get her. The foster mom was meeting a previous foster kiddo their to pay for her to get her hair done. This foster mom, that currently has our daughter is a unique gift to this world. She has fostered over 100 kids in the past twenty years. She is kind, patient and has her career level foster certification meaning she can foster kids with high special needs. She is full of wisdom and I enjoy talking with her daily now. I take her sound advice very seriously and anticipated continuing a relationship with her even after we bring our daughter to our house. She is a gem and we will be forever grateful that she has given our daughter such a stable environment in which she has begun healing. Back to the beauty salon... we walked in and saw who we believed was the foster mom and standing next to her, this adorable, petite girl with a blank stare on her face was eyeing us. She has long, border-line brown/dirty blonde colored, straight hair, nearly down to her bottom. She is white for those of you wondering what her race is. And she has freckles and sky blue eyes. We did inquire about kids of multiple races, but God had her for us. For those that have seen pictures of her, we have heard she looks like she fits right in to our family. I agree. She was dressed in dark blue skinny jeans, with black cowboy boots and a leopard print top and a white sweater. Her coat was in hand, as she dislikes wearing one. She also had a leopard purse dangling around her shoulder. She has wicked-long, thick nails with deep nail beds. I know, because I got to paint her nails that afternoon. She seems to be a girly girl. I did her hair as well.
We talked for about two minutes and then we left with her. This child sitting in the seat behind me would soon be ours, and I didn't even know her. I kept the conversation going and tried to keep it light, asking about school, extra-curriculars, favorite foods, etc. She answered most of my questions with brief answers, and said "I don't know" to a few questions. I also told her how we first saw her picture and profile in November and the details from our side. We were going to take her out for ice cream, but she had just eaten lunch and was not hungry. So we decided to take her back to our house and meet the kids. (FYI, we had discussed this prior with her foster mom who thought this would be completely appropriate). When we got back to our house, we were greeting by Kennedy who was peering through the screen door into the garage as we drove in. (She had only been waiting for over a year and a half to meet her new sister, so we couldn't arrive soon enough!) We walked in, made introductions and took her on a tour. We stayed at our house for about two hours. The kids played and had a great time together. I intermittently asked her "get to know you" questions while she played with the kids. We shared the journals we got for her. We made entries in one journal, asking a number of questions, and the kids made some drawings. Farrell even wrote "Farrell + ***** = BFF," encircled in a heart. I melted when I read that. I told her to write in it as much as she wants, to ask us questions or just draw and then we would be doing the same in the other journal and exchange it with her at our next visit. What I've read is to refrain from giving gifts at the beginning of this kind of relationship unless they focus on the relationship. So although I really want to get her so many things and spoil her rotten, I am holding back so as not to start the relationship on a materialistic foot. It's gone well so far. (She was asking for the other journal right away when we saw her at the second visit)!
After we left our house, we went to Bass Pro and wandered around for a bit, ate at the restaurant there, let the kids play on the model boats and then we headed back to drop her off with her foster mom, whom she does not call mom by the way. I very much want to share more details about our visit, but this has all struck me that now these are her memories too, not just mine. And while I could still protect her by sharing my perspective, I figure I will hold off of a lot of that so that she can share this all from her point of view if and when she is ready. I don't want to infringe or embarrass her later down the road if she were to read this. During our visit this first day, I did ask her if it was alright to take some family pictures and if I could give her a hug at the end of the night. She said yes to both. We told her to call us Mom Megan and Dad Ryan, and then when she is ready to drop our first names off and just call us Mom and Dad. I would expect it will take a while before she calls us Mom and Dad, but you better believe I will never forget that first time when she does!
The following day, she was talking with her foster mom and said, "maybe that family could adopt me?" Her foster mom replied, "yes, they are going to. That's what this is all about. They are going to be your forever family." She replied, "okay, that's good." Score! I think she likes us!! Her foster mom said she took the time to explain this in more detail with her since she could tell she didn't get it. While she had heard this already, and had been prepared by her case worker for months that she would be adopted, it hadn't sunk in. I don't believe it will likely sink in until she has been with us for many months if not a year or more. I pray she will feel this security as soon as possible.
We picked her up with Kennedy with us this past Thursday evening. We took her out to dinner and for ice cream. This visit seemed more comfortable for everyone. We spent time with her foster mom at her home when we dropped her off to get more information on her background.
I have been calling her nightly now, My heart hurts and my eyes well with tears when I get off the phone with her each day. Our relationship is only eight days old, but our home feels so incomplete without her. We plan to have some overnights with her in the near future that will progress into her moving in *hopefully late March. If she feels up to it, we will plan to take her to church with us, although we will be sensitive if she is not ready for that. The ball for public appearances and meeting friends and extended family will be in her court at the beginning. So you all might see us together as a family in the near future. Please respect her space and refrain from asking a million questions! But do love her. I want her to feel all the love of those that have been praying for her and asking about her. I have told her about all the people in our lives that are so exited to meet her. I don't know that she comprehends this now, but hopefully she will later. She has a village that is ready for her.
We have a great attorney, and have acquired many human resources that have given us wisdom, encouragement and advice on this foster/adopt world. For that we are incredibly grateful. This is a challenging process and it is essential to have good professionals on your side!
So this is it! We have met her and while we wish she was here at our house tonight, we are living in the moment and appreciating the slow transition. Before long she will be here and my dream of two girls and two boys will come true.