Here are a few of things I have experienced as a foster/adoptive mom in the past year that have pushed me to failure. There are also some in which I have experienced a pure joy and peace that has been equally as difficult as the very things that have caused me to stumble. It's just depends on if I choose to allow God to do His mighty work or not. Do I choose to obey or not? Only faith in God's word and promises (the Bible) do I have the ability to find that joy. It is so much more than happiness from life's short lived, enjoyable events. I much prefer the outcomes in which I thrive through as opposed to just survival. Bleh... how sad to only survive. God offers so much more than that!
I do not share these things to put myself on a pedestal and make anyone think I am "amazing for doing what I do." The reality is that a large percentage of the time, foster parenting is not glamorous. It is difficult and straining.
Because of and ONLY because of the grace of God, are my husband and I able to do this thing called fostering and have the capability to be successful at it.
Fasten your seat belt and protect your mandible from a fracture due to the sheer force of your jaw dropping at excessive and dangerous speed...
I have had to restrain a child who screeched an inch from my face, "I'm a worthless B#$@h," while I told her over and over again that I love her.
I have seen our parts of our home and belongings get destroyed in a fit of rage by a child. Mind you... rage that I did not cause!
I have had to tell an elementary aged child multiple times not to eat things that aren't food.
I have had multiple heated discussions with my husband about how differing our views are about what to do with a child that is out of control. Should they stay? Or should they go?
I have seen a child emotionally break down, shut down and shake and cry uncontrollably at multiple doctor office visits due to the fear of having to be vulnerable in any way.
I have been slapped, kicked, cussed at, told "you're not my real mom," and threatened that I would be hotlined.
I have been asked by a child to escort a child from room to room in my house due to the child's fear of possibly seeing a dead body.
I have watched a child self harm in multiple ways and have had to intervene to protect that child.
I have been told by a child that there is an intruder in our home, when there has not been one.
I frequently scope out the closet with a flashlight in a bedroom at night, leave multiple lights on and tell a child they are safe and that no one will hurt them at night.
As a pragmatic realist who often thinks of worse case scenarios and plans for them, I have to set my true knowledge aside and tell a child that it is impossible for anyone to break in our home at night.
I have heard a child share about seeing horrific scenes; both from viewed horror films watched from a young age on as well as real life scenes of domestic abuse experienced in the biological family's home prior to coming into care.
I have discussed with a child how viewing pornography with their biological parent was never how God wanted things to be.
I have sat across from a biological mom while she has sobbed as I handed her recent pictures of her children that she hasn't seen in over a year.
I have realized my child's easy to treat chronic illness has gone knowingly untreated for 8 years, the long term affects yet to be known, but possibly already noticed.
I have had to explain over and over again to my tearful and distraught biological child that God wants her to forgive her new sibling even though she never gets it in return and maybe never will.
I have had a sense of jealousy and anger towards a child and their biological parents because i want love from them so badly and do not get it.
I have watched a biological parent sign their parental rights away for their child and have only felt sorrow for that parent.
I have had to fill out identity theft forms for my foster children since their biological family has used their social security numbers to get money that is not rightfully theirs.
I have seen a child resist police officers and spit and curse at them as well as see a child taken away in handcuffs, fighting and screaming the whole way.
I have seen emotions of multiple kinds explode from a child that was intimately affected by suicide.
I have laughed with my husband after coming up with new words to popular songs about how our children have treated us. ***Humor helps to heal!
I have seen fear in my observing children as they watch another child who is out of control and unsafe.
My husband and I have huffed, panted and sweat a ton while tag-teaming and restraining a child. Waking up sore the next couple days. I have provided my husband with a necessary water break while he holds a restraint for a long time awaiting an officer's arrival.
I have gotten angry, wanted to give up and move on. And I could. We could. But for now we are not.
I understand as much as I possibly can, the depth of hurt that a child experiences because of multiple, devastating traumas experienced early in life.
I have recently heard from someone that traumas experienced in childhood are similar to an adult having a near death experience. I can totally see how this would be so. When your child's ACE score is 9/10 or possibly higher, how can erratic behavior not be expected!?
I have hope that regardless of the tangible, statistical or observational outcome of any of our children whether biological, adopted or foster, that we can be successful in God's eyes. We hold the highest hope for all of our children and will ask for big things for them, but ultimately they all have free will. Thank God we all have liberty and free will to internally accept or decline things in life. We hope that all of our kids will come to the realization that God is sovereign even in the midst of awful things and that only He can truly heal us and make us great.
We are composed of a fleshly body, flawed by many things since the original sin of man. We may be very different in physical appearance as we have all inherited unique imperfections, afflictions, and illnesses, whether mental or physical from our birth families. We each also have a soul that is a solitary creation. I believe that in the midst of our lack of completion, we we were created uniquely by the hands of God with a paramount plan to experience a spiritual life of abundance, if we choose to accept it.
Regardless of your belief system, it appears to be well known that we all struggle. If you claim you do not, you are a liar. My struggles may seem different from others in detail and appearance, but we all experience similar challenges, emotions and thoughts. There is nothing new under the sun. While the Foster Care in the United States was not in existence before the mid 1800's, there have always been orphans. There have been debilitating diseases, physical abnormalities, mental health enigmas that have been in existence for years upon years. We may not have one from each category, but we all have something or multiple things that we find trying in our lives.
Amid the trying scenarios that plague our daily lives, we have a choice if we will survive them or thrive in the midst of them. Often times, I feel as though I barely survive. Not literally. I am fully alive and fairly well, generally. But a lack of thriving, flourishing, experiencing joy and peace is simply just surviving. I hope you can relate. The only times I "survive" is simply due to my lack of faith. We were made to abundantly thrive, even in the midst of adversity and challenges. I want to kick myself when I do not, because I have every resource and hope to thrive entirely. Thank God for his grace. He gives me things over and over again that I do not deserve, even when I am completely faithless and slothful. Grace is what gives me opportunity to pick my weak-ass self back up from the dirt and move on to the next obstacle.
I do not always portray godly character, although it is my desire. I have every ability, but my lame self gets in the way and God cannot do his perfect work through me. My bad, not His. Sadly I am the one who suffers the lack of blessing after my failure to merely have faith in ever-faithful God. This quote states in more eloquently than I can.
"Godly character is not the result of good intentions, wishful thinking, some mystical "zap," or even sheer Bible knowledge. It's developed through the self-disciplined application of God's Word at a very basic level, enabled and empowered by God's Spirit." ~John MacArthur
Oh. My. God... I love these kids! YOU love these kids. Even though sometimes I fail and I want to flick them in the temple or worse. Please help me to be disciplined at every basic and elevated level in order to be empowered by YOU to do what you have called me to do!! They need love too. I'll keep stepping further out on a limb God, 'cause if I fall, I know where I will land.
I do not share these things to put myself on a pedestal and make anyone think I am "amazing for doing what I do." The reality is that a large percentage of the time, foster parenting is not glamorous. It is difficult and straining.
Because of and ONLY because of the grace of God, are my husband and I able to do this thing called fostering and have the capability to be successful at it.
Fasten your seat belt and protect your mandible from a fracture due to the sheer force of your jaw dropping at excessive and dangerous speed...
I have had to restrain a child who screeched an inch from my face, "I'm a worthless B#$@h," while I told her over and over again that I love her.
I have seen our parts of our home and belongings get destroyed in a fit of rage by a child. Mind you... rage that I did not cause!
I have had to tell an elementary aged child multiple times not to eat things that aren't food.
I have had multiple heated discussions with my husband about how differing our views are about what to do with a child that is out of control. Should they stay? Or should they go?
I have seen a child emotionally break down, shut down and shake and cry uncontrollably at multiple doctor office visits due to the fear of having to be vulnerable in any way.
I have been slapped, kicked, cussed at, told "you're not my real mom," and threatened that I would be hotlined.
I have been asked by a child to escort a child from room to room in my house due to the child's fear of possibly seeing a dead body.
I have watched a child self harm in multiple ways and have had to intervene to protect that child.
I have been told by a child that there is an intruder in our home, when there has not been one.
I frequently scope out the closet with a flashlight in a bedroom at night, leave multiple lights on and tell a child they are safe and that no one will hurt them at night.
As a pragmatic realist who often thinks of worse case scenarios and plans for them, I have to set my true knowledge aside and tell a child that it is impossible for anyone to break in our home at night.
I have heard a child share about seeing horrific scenes; both from viewed horror films watched from a young age on as well as real life scenes of domestic abuse experienced in the biological family's home prior to coming into care.
I have discussed with a child how viewing pornography with their biological parent was never how God wanted things to be.
I have sat across from a biological mom while she has sobbed as I handed her recent pictures of her children that she hasn't seen in over a year.
I have realized my child's easy to treat chronic illness has gone knowingly untreated for 8 years, the long term affects yet to be known, but possibly already noticed.
I have had to explain over and over again to my tearful and distraught biological child that God wants her to forgive her new sibling even though she never gets it in return and maybe never will.
I have had a sense of jealousy and anger towards a child and their biological parents because i want love from them so badly and do not get it.
I have watched a biological parent sign their parental rights away for their child and have only felt sorrow for that parent.
I have had to fill out identity theft forms for my foster children since their biological family has used their social security numbers to get money that is not rightfully theirs.
I have seen a child resist police officers and spit and curse at them as well as see a child taken away in handcuffs, fighting and screaming the whole way.
I have seen emotions of multiple kinds explode from a child that was intimately affected by suicide.
I have laughed with my husband after coming up with new words to popular songs about how our children have treated us. ***Humor helps to heal!
I have seen fear in my observing children as they watch another child who is out of control and unsafe.
My husband and I have huffed, panted and sweat a ton while tag-teaming and restraining a child. Waking up sore the next couple days. I have provided my husband with a necessary water break while he holds a restraint for a long time awaiting an officer's arrival.
I have gotten angry, wanted to give up and move on. And I could. We could. But for now we are not.
I understand as much as I possibly can, the depth of hurt that a child experiences because of multiple, devastating traumas experienced early in life.
I have recently heard from someone that traumas experienced in childhood are similar to an adult having a near death experience. I can totally see how this would be so. When your child's ACE score is 9/10 or possibly higher, how can erratic behavior not be expected!?
I have hope that regardless of the tangible, statistical or observational outcome of any of our children whether biological, adopted or foster, that we can be successful in God's eyes. We hold the highest hope for all of our children and will ask for big things for them, but ultimately they all have free will. Thank God we all have liberty and free will to internally accept or decline things in life. We hope that all of our kids will come to the realization that God is sovereign even in the midst of awful things and that only He can truly heal us and make us great.
We are composed of a fleshly body, flawed by many things since the original sin of man. We may be very different in physical appearance as we have all inherited unique imperfections, afflictions, and illnesses, whether mental or physical from our birth families. We each also have a soul that is a solitary creation. I believe that in the midst of our lack of completion, we we were created uniquely by the hands of God with a paramount plan to experience a spiritual life of abundance, if we choose to accept it.
Regardless of your belief system, it appears to be well known that we all struggle. If you claim you do not, you are a liar. My struggles may seem different from others in detail and appearance, but we all experience similar challenges, emotions and thoughts. There is nothing new under the sun. While the Foster Care in the United States was not in existence before the mid 1800's, there have always been orphans. There have been debilitating diseases, physical abnormalities, mental health enigmas that have been in existence for years upon years. We may not have one from each category, but we all have something or multiple things that we find trying in our lives.
Amid the trying scenarios that plague our daily lives, we have a choice if we will survive them or thrive in the midst of them. Often times, I feel as though I barely survive. Not literally. I am fully alive and fairly well, generally. But a lack of thriving, flourishing, experiencing joy and peace is simply just surviving. I hope you can relate. The only times I "survive" is simply due to my lack of faith. We were made to abundantly thrive, even in the midst of adversity and challenges. I want to kick myself when I do not, because I have every resource and hope to thrive entirely. Thank God for his grace. He gives me things over and over again that I do not deserve, even when I am completely faithless and slothful. Grace is what gives me opportunity to pick my weak-ass self back up from the dirt and move on to the next obstacle.
I do not always portray godly character, although it is my desire. I have every ability, but my lame self gets in the way and God cannot do his perfect work through me. My bad, not His. Sadly I am the one who suffers the lack of blessing after my failure to merely have faith in ever-faithful God. This quote states in more eloquently than I can.
"Godly character is not the result of good intentions, wishful thinking, some mystical "zap," or even sheer Bible knowledge. It's developed through the self-disciplined application of God's Word at a very basic level, enabled and empowered by God's Spirit." ~John MacArthur
Oh. My. God... I love these kids! YOU love these kids. Even though sometimes I fail and I want to flick them in the temple or worse. Please help me to be disciplined at every basic and elevated level in order to be empowered by YOU to do what you have called me to do!! They need love too. I'll keep stepping further out on a limb God, 'cause if I fall, I know where I will land.