I still can hardly believe that barely over two months ago we were selected for the new child that is now living in our house. Her transition from meeting her to her moving in with us was a seven weeks long. We met her on the last Saturday in January, followed by a dinner with her the next Thursday night, then a few hours with her the Saturday a week later, then four weekends with her and then she moved in on Friday, March 11th. The transition was good and bad, and difficult at times. The hardest part for me was having to pass her back and forth and the lack of control of just being her full time mom. Not that I am a control freak, but God creates his children and desires them to be with their parents. So when you are separated from your children while they are still young and dependent, it does not feel natural. She was living with a great, caring family during the transition, so it had nothing at all to do with her not being properly cared for. It's just the separation was hard on me in particular. Not to mention the logistical challenge that she was living an hour away. The weekends she was with us, I would drive an hour back and forth on the Fridays to pick her up and then take her back on Sunday afternoons. It seems like it flew by now, but while it was happening, I was tired of all the driving back and forth. The drive was pleasant though, the last 15 minutes of the drive it was hilly, curvy and with beautiful landscapes, so I didn't mind it. Often times there would be a beautiful yellow lab sitting at the roadside of a larger home on a lot of property. It was picturesque. I was sad on the drive days that the dog wasn't outside. I now have sweet memories of driving that route with certain songs stuck in my mind that were playing on the radio that will forever remind me of the physical journey to get my new daughter.
I wish I could share her new name that we have chosen for her along with pictures, but I can't until she is legally ours. So sorry! I am not sure when that will be exactly, but we are hoping it will be before school starts next year. We discussed a number of names with our new daughter, many of them Irish names, as our bio kids all have Irish names. Some she quickly said, "eww, no!" to, some she seemed to like okay. But there was one name in particular that she brought up to us first that actually happened to be Irish and we liked it from the start. We threw that name in the hat for choices. We wanted her name to come from us, but for her to have a part in picking it as well. We didn't want her to pick it by herself, in the possible event that she would later dislike it and blame herself for picking it. So Ryan and I selected four first and middle name combinations for her to choose from, in addition to her keeping her current name (I am a fan of choices!). She quickly decided on one... the one she had requested from the beginning. It has significant meaning for a hopeful future for her and has part of her previous name in it as well. She chose exactly what we hoped she would choose and we all love it! We call her that, but of course nothing is legal until adoption day.
The transition so far has been exhilarating and challenging at the same time. Getting to know any one new takes time, but when they live with you and you are around each other constantly you quickly learn each others quirks and flaws. Our three bio kids were just straight up excited at first. The boys were continual show offs, as they are when anyone new comes over. That lasted for the first five weeks I would say. Then they became the pesky brothers that they were created to be; she annoys them just as they annoy her now. The girls also went through an interesting transition. They seemed to be BFF's from the start for a number of weeks, then a little separation seemed to occur (maybe some annoyances and some stretching of wings I guess?), although no major conflicts at all and now they seem to be back to BFF's again. Kennedy has been so proud to introduce her new sister to new friends and church and school.
There have been ups and downs for all of us. And our newest has been a trooper. We have certainly butted heads multiple times, her and I, as any mother and daughter would. I have to set boundaries and she, like any child, wants to try to step over them. But she has done magnificently so far. I am so proud of her and love her so much.
So much is new to her. She often asks me why I am doing the things I am doing. I suppose seeing a new adult do things differently would make you question. So I just tell her the why behind all the whats. I wrote all of them cards this past Sunday, with a sweet note of praise for each kiddo and a piece of gum. I left them sitting out on the kitchen table for them to find when they ate breakfast. She asked later in the day why I did that. I explained that I wanted to tell my kids how much I love them and how important they are to me. This is a newer concept for her. She has had a number of adults in the past couple years that have cared for her well, so she has started to learn that. But it still seems foreign to her. I also like to hold my kids hands. I know the day is coming when they won't want to anymore, but until they are completely embarrassed by me holding their hands, I will continue to do it! This action was odd to my newest and she refused at first. "Ewww, no!" I believe was what she said when I asked her if she wanted to hold my hand in the parking lot. Ha! I explained that I enjoy holding my kids hands and then over the next few weeks she saw me holding her new siblings hands on various occasions. After that 5th week, we were walking in the Target parking lot and I said, "I will hold anyone's hand that wants to!" I felt two warm hands reach into mine. Kennedy on one side, my other daughter on the other. Talk about rewarding. Now it seems to be natural for her. I often reach my hands out and don't even say anything as we are walking as a family, whether at the park or a parking lot, or wherever. She has reached back multiple times now. And I think she likes it! :)
This whole process has shaped me into being a better mom. In my efforts to show love to my newest child that hasn't has as much opportunity to receive love, it has allowed me to love my biological kids better. Most parents have a desire to evenly distribute gifts and love among their children, so as I have had to give some extra love and attention to my new daughter, I have been more intentional about loving my other three. While I have more naturally seemed to be shaped into being a better mom, and was reminded that I needed to continue to strive to be a better wife. Ryan and I have always striven to keep communication lines open, although with the added stress of adding another to the mix we were starting to sway apart. After biting back at each other for a number of days that turned into nearly a couple weeks, we swayed back together. Adding another kid is hard work whether as a baby or as a tween! Marital love must be intentional, and so as distracted as I was, we are back and track now. I couldn't do this without Ryan. He is my rock, besides Jesus of course. When adding an infant to a family it is physical exhaustion due to lack of sleep, constant feedings, etc. When adding an older child to a family it seems to be more emotionally exhausting. There have been constant things I have needed to do, multiple appointments to make and keep, having to constantly document everything I do (since she the state is her guardian I have to show proof of what I have done for her), and gain more knowledge on what is best for her needs that I am just getting used to. We are getting into a nice rhythm though. I won't get too used to it as I am sure we'll hit more bumps soon.
She had her first day of school this past Monday. Her and Kennedy are both in the fourth grade, but are in different classrooms. She was nervous to start school. I don't blame her. I can't imagine what she must be feeling. She has been in at least five schools in the past three years. I ate lunch with all the kids the past two days. At their school when visitors come for lunch they can invite a friend to sit with them. This worked out well so our newest could have an extra opportunity to create new friendships. When asked what her favorite part of the day was after the school day ended, she said lunch. Smile.
In my effort to encourage her to call us Mom and Dad, I have explained to her that she actually has two moms. Not a real one and another one, or a real one and a fake one, but a biological one and an adoptive one. I don't want her to think something magically happens with her biological mom once she accepts me as her adoptive mom. She still has two moms, the other one just isn't a part of her life at this time. Since staying with us, she would just blurt out whatever question she had without addressing us as anything or any name. I explained that people like to be addressed by their names, with the example that I say her name before asking her something. Most of the time any way. She was very adamant at that she would NOT call me mom or Mom Megan. After weeks of her refusal and slight heart break for me each time, I gave it to the Lord. My desire had to come second to her needs. I have known this, but it's still hard when you want something so badly and it's a right thing to want. After week six, she finally called me mom! She was in need of something and I was on the other end of the house. I heard a door crack in the bathroom, and a "Mom??," I wasn't sure who it was at first, but then I realized it was her. She had indeed called me mom! I walked in like NBD, Joe Cool and assisted her. She called me mom three other times since then, one time in which Farrell over heard in the yard and starting yelling, "Mom, she called you Mom!!" Kennedy responded flatly, "Farrell, she has BEEN calling her mom." There was a day after that, that she refused to call me mom. But then she did again the next day. She has referred to Ryan as Dad, but has yet to actually address him as dad. I expect some bouncing back and forth a little and that's totally fine by me. I am elated we are going in the right direction anyway!
We had a wonderful spring break week last week and just did fun stuff around town. We saw the movie Zootopia - which I highly recommend - played lots of Minecraft, saw the Easter bunnies on the Plaza, went to Sky Zone with the McGaughey's and Ryan's brother and his boys, rode bikes, went to Topeka to Old Prairie Town and to see my aunt and uncle (I also highly recommend an Old Prairie Town tour - it was so cool!), and otherwise slept in, stayed up late and played lots of games. It was refreshing to have a week of fun before getting back to real life with four.
We have a permanency review hearing in court next week we will need to attend as well as a phone conference support team meeting that I believe many will phone in for on her team. Yeah, she has a team of supporters. While the process for becoming licensed to adopt/foster was quite confusing and lengthy, I have been impressed with the support since having a child in our lives in state custody. We have received a call from her nurse; who will check in monthly. We expect to have a visit with her CASA volunteer, her guardian ad litem soon. We already have been visited by her case worker, who will also visit monthly and her therapist who is coming weekly to our home. These will stop or slow down at least once we adopt, but for now, it is nice to have all this support.
And while I can't share any pictures of her, I can share one of her new guinea pig. Kennedy got a pig a number of months ago, so we got one for our new daughter. I know I have highly recommended a movie and an edutainment venue already, but I also have to put in a plug for guinea pigs. They have been the greatest pets! So here is her new pig, Hozmore. Kind of like Hosmer (Eric), and More put together. She came up with that on her own! He is a sweet heart!
I wish I could share her new name that we have chosen for her along with pictures, but I can't until she is legally ours. So sorry! I am not sure when that will be exactly, but we are hoping it will be before school starts next year. We discussed a number of names with our new daughter, many of them Irish names, as our bio kids all have Irish names. Some she quickly said, "eww, no!" to, some she seemed to like okay. But there was one name in particular that she brought up to us first that actually happened to be Irish and we liked it from the start. We threw that name in the hat for choices. We wanted her name to come from us, but for her to have a part in picking it as well. We didn't want her to pick it by herself, in the possible event that she would later dislike it and blame herself for picking it. So Ryan and I selected four first and middle name combinations for her to choose from, in addition to her keeping her current name (I am a fan of choices!). She quickly decided on one... the one she had requested from the beginning. It has significant meaning for a hopeful future for her and has part of her previous name in it as well. She chose exactly what we hoped she would choose and we all love it! We call her that, but of course nothing is legal until adoption day.
The transition so far has been exhilarating and challenging at the same time. Getting to know any one new takes time, but when they live with you and you are around each other constantly you quickly learn each others quirks and flaws. Our three bio kids were just straight up excited at first. The boys were continual show offs, as they are when anyone new comes over. That lasted for the first five weeks I would say. Then they became the pesky brothers that they were created to be; she annoys them just as they annoy her now. The girls also went through an interesting transition. They seemed to be BFF's from the start for a number of weeks, then a little separation seemed to occur (maybe some annoyances and some stretching of wings I guess?), although no major conflicts at all and now they seem to be back to BFF's again. Kennedy has been so proud to introduce her new sister to new friends and church and school.
There have been ups and downs for all of us. And our newest has been a trooper. We have certainly butted heads multiple times, her and I, as any mother and daughter would. I have to set boundaries and she, like any child, wants to try to step over them. But she has done magnificently so far. I am so proud of her and love her so much.
So much is new to her. She often asks me why I am doing the things I am doing. I suppose seeing a new adult do things differently would make you question. So I just tell her the why behind all the whats. I wrote all of them cards this past Sunday, with a sweet note of praise for each kiddo and a piece of gum. I left them sitting out on the kitchen table for them to find when they ate breakfast. She asked later in the day why I did that. I explained that I wanted to tell my kids how much I love them and how important they are to me. This is a newer concept for her. She has had a number of adults in the past couple years that have cared for her well, so she has started to learn that. But it still seems foreign to her. I also like to hold my kids hands. I know the day is coming when they won't want to anymore, but until they are completely embarrassed by me holding their hands, I will continue to do it! This action was odd to my newest and she refused at first. "Ewww, no!" I believe was what she said when I asked her if she wanted to hold my hand in the parking lot. Ha! I explained that I enjoy holding my kids hands and then over the next few weeks she saw me holding her new siblings hands on various occasions. After that 5th week, we were walking in the Target parking lot and I said, "I will hold anyone's hand that wants to!" I felt two warm hands reach into mine. Kennedy on one side, my other daughter on the other. Talk about rewarding. Now it seems to be natural for her. I often reach my hands out and don't even say anything as we are walking as a family, whether at the park or a parking lot, or wherever. She has reached back multiple times now. And I think she likes it! :)
This whole process has shaped me into being a better mom. In my efforts to show love to my newest child that hasn't has as much opportunity to receive love, it has allowed me to love my biological kids better. Most parents have a desire to evenly distribute gifts and love among their children, so as I have had to give some extra love and attention to my new daughter, I have been more intentional about loving my other three. While I have more naturally seemed to be shaped into being a better mom, and was reminded that I needed to continue to strive to be a better wife. Ryan and I have always striven to keep communication lines open, although with the added stress of adding another to the mix we were starting to sway apart. After biting back at each other for a number of days that turned into nearly a couple weeks, we swayed back together. Adding another kid is hard work whether as a baby or as a tween! Marital love must be intentional, and so as distracted as I was, we are back and track now. I couldn't do this without Ryan. He is my rock, besides Jesus of course. When adding an infant to a family it is physical exhaustion due to lack of sleep, constant feedings, etc. When adding an older child to a family it seems to be more emotionally exhausting. There have been constant things I have needed to do, multiple appointments to make and keep, having to constantly document everything I do (since she the state is her guardian I have to show proof of what I have done for her), and gain more knowledge on what is best for her needs that I am just getting used to. We are getting into a nice rhythm though. I won't get too used to it as I am sure we'll hit more bumps soon.
She had her first day of school this past Monday. Her and Kennedy are both in the fourth grade, but are in different classrooms. She was nervous to start school. I don't blame her. I can't imagine what she must be feeling. She has been in at least five schools in the past three years. I ate lunch with all the kids the past two days. At their school when visitors come for lunch they can invite a friend to sit with them. This worked out well so our newest could have an extra opportunity to create new friendships. When asked what her favorite part of the day was after the school day ended, she said lunch. Smile.
In my effort to encourage her to call us Mom and Dad, I have explained to her that she actually has two moms. Not a real one and another one, or a real one and a fake one, but a biological one and an adoptive one. I don't want her to think something magically happens with her biological mom once she accepts me as her adoptive mom. She still has two moms, the other one just isn't a part of her life at this time. Since staying with us, she would just blurt out whatever question she had without addressing us as anything or any name. I explained that people like to be addressed by their names, with the example that I say her name before asking her something. Most of the time any way. She was very adamant at that she would NOT call me mom or Mom Megan. After weeks of her refusal and slight heart break for me each time, I gave it to the Lord. My desire had to come second to her needs. I have known this, but it's still hard when you want something so badly and it's a right thing to want. After week six, she finally called me mom! She was in need of something and I was on the other end of the house. I heard a door crack in the bathroom, and a "Mom??," I wasn't sure who it was at first, but then I realized it was her. She had indeed called me mom! I walked in like NBD, Joe Cool and assisted her. She called me mom three other times since then, one time in which Farrell over heard in the yard and starting yelling, "Mom, she called you Mom!!" Kennedy responded flatly, "Farrell, she has BEEN calling her mom." There was a day after that, that she refused to call me mom. But then she did again the next day. She has referred to Ryan as Dad, but has yet to actually address him as dad. I expect some bouncing back and forth a little and that's totally fine by me. I am elated we are going in the right direction anyway!
We had a wonderful spring break week last week and just did fun stuff around town. We saw the movie Zootopia - which I highly recommend - played lots of Minecraft, saw the Easter bunnies on the Plaza, went to Sky Zone with the McGaughey's and Ryan's brother and his boys, rode bikes, went to Topeka to Old Prairie Town and to see my aunt and uncle (I also highly recommend an Old Prairie Town tour - it was so cool!), and otherwise slept in, stayed up late and played lots of games. It was refreshing to have a week of fun before getting back to real life with four.
We have a permanency review hearing in court next week we will need to attend as well as a phone conference support team meeting that I believe many will phone in for on her team. Yeah, she has a team of supporters. While the process for becoming licensed to adopt/foster was quite confusing and lengthy, I have been impressed with the support since having a child in our lives in state custody. We have received a call from her nurse; who will check in monthly. We expect to have a visit with her CASA volunteer, her guardian ad litem soon. We already have been visited by her case worker, who will also visit monthly and her therapist who is coming weekly to our home. These will stop or slow down at least once we adopt, but for now, it is nice to have all this support.
And while I can't share any pictures of her, I can share one of her new guinea pig. Kennedy got a pig a number of months ago, so we got one for our new daughter. I know I have highly recommended a movie and an edutainment venue already, but I also have to put in a plug for guinea pigs. They have been the greatest pets! So here is her new pig, Hozmore. Kind of like Hosmer (Eric), and More put together. She came up with that on her own! He is a sweet heart!
We are grateful for all the support and help we have received from so many people. There have continued to be multiple times in which we have needed child care during the transition and our families have been quick to offer help. I can only handle so much on my plate at a time and therefore our dinners were suffering for a number of weeks. My MIL made a great meal for us one night when I just needed to have a nice meal without buying it or making it. That was a huge blessing! I am happy to say I am now back into the swing of cooking now! Minimal eating out now:)
I love my newest as I do my other three. I don't see her differently as my other three. I love her as if she came from my own womb. I am extremely thankful for my growing family and count it an honor to get another "arrow in my quiver." While not from the womb for one of them, still a gift from God.
Psalms 127:3-5
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth.
Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
I love my newest as I do my other three. I don't see her differently as my other three. I love her as if she came from my own womb. I am extremely thankful for my growing family and count it an honor to get another "arrow in my quiver." While not from the womb for one of them, still a gift from God.
Psalms 127:3-5
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth.
Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.